Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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