The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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