"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
