I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
