I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
