Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
