Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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