two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
