it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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