My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
