He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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