i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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