so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
