Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
