Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
