I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
