shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize