dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
whose parrot is this?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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