So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
