Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
