I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
