it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
