yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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