Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
