VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
