Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
