i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
