Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
