So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My pussy is not your playground.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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