Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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