i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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