the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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