she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
