i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize