I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
