Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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