rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
