We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
