he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
