i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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