dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize