I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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