i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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