Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
