I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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