Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize