I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
