i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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