imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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