He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
