If i come over, it means nothing
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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