go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
