He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
