True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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