how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
