i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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