I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
