There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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