"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
a search helicopter?!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
