New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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