Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
