Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize