i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
