peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
