BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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