my vag is so smooth its legendary
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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