I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
