Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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