his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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